Why should I blog when I’ll probably stink at it?

Yes, I am now online as a blogger. Those of you who know me can rejoice. OK, stop rejoicing – cause I’m probably going to stink at this.  And probably no one will really check it either.

Why would I suck at blogging? It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing – four years of repression of creative expression in engineering school and three years of writing proposals for laboratory renovation projects didn’t squeeze it out of me.

But I’m concerned because blogging is one of those things that I must do regularly and often in order to do well, and I’m not doing so well at those lately. Exercising, entering my MS Money, sitting down at my desk at home to pay the bills, going through my non-handwritten mail, dusting the furniture, eating vegetables, dating (I can’t believe I put dating and eating vegetables next to each other in the same sentence) – even spending extended times with God haven’t been my strong suit as of late.

This last weekend I just enjoyed taking all that stuff and scratching it off my list (except the dating part…I watched The Last Kiss with Zach Braff instead and saw a difficult-yet-realistic picture of relationships – still, an insightful film). But then I asked myself, “why does this stuff pile up?” When a Saturday seems productive because all of the stuff has been scratched off the list, what does that say about my life?

Or is blogging just something I’m doing in order to further procrastinate from those things? Musing for the sake of avoiding that is important isn’t exactly the best way to instill discipline.

Perhaps the regular discipline of sitting, remembering, writing, reflecting, and planning will further give me the desire to become what I’m meant to be. Or to even figure out what I’m meant to be. Or figure out why I’m confused about that sometimes.

All in all, I guess this is an invitation to an opportunity to express the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart and how the two are converging (or diverging) to form the life I live while preserving freedom from approval addiction. The discipline of reflection offers me the opportunity; the blog gives me a chance to allow for my friends (and stalkers…you know who you are) to share in what God reveals in my attempt to listen to my life. And for y’all to see how crazy I am.

More to come.

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February 2007

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